5:17 p.m. - 2009-06-24
more out of control
So much has happened since I last wrote.
Back in May I did have an appointment with my regular doctor about my mental health. She believes I am in fact bipolar. But before she puts me on something she wants a confirmation from a psychiatrist. Well, I tried to make an appointment with one that day, but there was no answer. So I gave up. Now I'm pulling my hair out trying to get in somewhere. Anywhere that won't cost an arm and a leg for someone without insurance.
My marriage is probably over. Soon. I told him there's nothing else we can do. I can't handle being around Bria and I've had it with him. So his answer is to at least try to get on some meds for my condition and see if that changes anything. I told him there are no guarantees. It will probably make me more reasonable, more level-headed. But I will still feel the same and think the same. I don't see how that will save us. Don't get me wrong, I know I have to do it and soon. I'm feeling more out of control and unhappy than ever. But that is not the answer for US.
I cannot live here anymore. I don't know how much longer I can last. I hate it. I just can't keep doing this. And to add to my feelings on that, Jason loaned his parents $500 of our money without even telling me. Of course, almost all of the money we have is from a loan we got to pay off our bills! But he loaned our loan money to his parents! And he wasn't even going to tell me!
I am making myself angry. I better finish making my pasta salad for dinner. *SIGH*
