2:44 p.m. - 2004-11-03
why is money always a factor?
On America's current political state, all I have to say is this: What the f*ck?!
OK, so I have Edinboro and Cedar Crest scheduled for this weekend. Well, dad says that he now has to work Saturday night so it's just me and mom all weekend. Fine. But I come home today and find a letter in the mail saying I need to pay my application fee for the SUNY colleges I applied to. So I happened to mention this out loud and dad says we have to sit down and discuss our debt blah blah blah. What's your debt have to do with my application fees? I said she could take it out of my account for Chr*st's sake! And then he told me to get out, go away. I wasn't being snotty, I was practically crying! He tells me to go ahead and schedule these tours, talk to these people, start applications. And then he says he doesn't think he can afford it!! They've been pushing me to go and be successful and make money. Because I'm the good child you know. But if my family can't afford to send me, how am I supposed to go?? I no longer have a job and I was only making $6 an hour! Why do they keep pushing me to be successful if it isn't possible for me to go to college? I don't even totally want to go. I want to get married and start a family. But it's kind of hard to be a forensic scientist if you haven't gone to college.
I don't understand. Why do they push me and encourage me if they know they can't afford it? Why can't they just let it go? Why set me up and get me ready to go if I can't? I hate being told I can't do something. It doesn't bother me if I can't go to college, I can accept that. But I can't accept it if they can't. They have to stop pushing me toward something I can't realistically achieve.
I bet if I got pregnant they'd leave it alone. And sign me over to TC.
Too bad I'm afraid to have children now.
I just want to crawl under my bed and die.
We miss you Billy Major. Happy 3 year anniversary. RIP. <3
