10:45 a.m. - 2004-11-04
can't get away
I'm home sick. I originally thought I was faking and then I found out I had a lovely fever. And the swollen feeling in my head turned to pain and spread into my neck too. So my mom made a doctor's appointment for noon. Ugh.
I am so pissed off right now. I pushed JS to French class the other day so she wouldn't run into Bubby. She went home and told her precious JR that I took her to class because Bub was going to beat the crap out of her. So he screamed at Bub when he took Babe home last night. I did not say JS would get the crap beat out of her. I said that I didn't want her running into Bub. Because I knew Bub would say something and I knew anything she had to say would not be pleasant. Why do they have to twist what I say? Why do I even bother to help them out? I am so tired of this shit. I'm tired of knowing about it. No matter how deeply you bury it it will still be there. You'll come across it in a dream or in a random statement to someone you barely know. How about I beat the crap out of JS? JR too. I'm so sick of their shit! It's disgusting.
I told TC this because he was in the shower when I got home about 20 minutes ago. He's pissed and doesn't want to talk about it. Whenever something happens he doesn't want to discuss it. Well, I told him outright that I am not going to have kids with him. That's it. I can't. And I'm completely serious. I don't want any part of me involved with that family. Not something so precious as a child of mine. It's bad enough that I'm associated with them. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting. I don't care what everyone thinks. TC's mom thinks I'm taking her baby away because he moved in with me and rarely comes over. Good. I'm starting to think it won't matter how far away I am, they'll always be there. It drives me fucking nuts. And TC won't talk about it! Not that I'll change my mind.
Maybe I should just return him to his mommy. They can all be together and I'll move to Canada.
This country sucks anyway.
