7:31 p.m. - 2005-04-04
pissed off
I am so angry. I came home from school today because of a *headache*. Actually I was just feeling umcomfortable and cranky. My mom was home sick today and dad and Tom were sleeping. No one answered the house phone and then Tom finally picked up his cell phone. He woke my mom up to come get me. His excuse was that he just woke up. Well, he just woke her up too and she's sick! (He wouldn't have been tired if he had gone to bed sometime before the a.m. as always.) So my mom came to get me. When I got home, I soaked in the bathtub and slept for an amazing four hours or so. When I woke up, Tom was gone on "errands". I didn't worry too much. He's not working today and he told me this morning we would hang out. Well, he's been gone since long before I woke up at 3:50 and he's still not home. Tonight is RAW and he always wants to be at Matt's house by 8. How much do you want to bet he's not even coming home? I called his cell twice and he won't answer! I am so pissed at him it's not funny.
Am I supposed to just let it slide? I never fucking see him anymore. He's always at work or out or whatever. He never talks to me anymore or tells me what's bothering him. I know he's frustrated because I'm not in the mood for sex. But I'm getting the impression that he's ignoring me. I swear if he goes to Matt's without seeing me, especially if he stays the night, that's it. He will not be going to RAW again. My mom is doubting yet again of his ability to "step up to the plate" as she puts it. He's taking no responsibility for me or this baby. I've been begging him for weeks to take me shopping because I need maternity jeans and new bras. He keeps saying we'll see or next week. I mean, if he doesn't want to be around then he just has to say the word. I love him more than anything, but if he's not happy then he needs to say something. This baby even knows that his daddy isn't around. I can tell because I get more uncomfortable when Tom hasn't been laying with me.
He told his father about the baby last week. I just don't understand why he feels the need to be around Matt and his brother more than me. Yes, he went to the party with me yesterday, but he hid in the family room writing music. And then someone called him asking for a ride to wrestle mania and he asked to leave! I told him he could leave after dinner. He was only there 2 and 1/2 hours! He drove down to Naples (45 minute trip) and back only to stay for 2 and 1/2 hours!! He goes to work and gets back at midnight or later as it is. Then he'll go out with Jeff and do Jeff's paper route with him until 4:30 or 6:30 in the morning, despite the fact that I asked him not to do it. Then he'll come home exhausted and sleep the entire fucking day!! Sometimes he's still sleeping when I get home from school and gets mad at me when I get tired or have to write an essay or something.
He doesn't do a single thing I ask anymore. He won't fold his laundry that's been in his room for a week. He won't cut his hair or even comb it. He won't stop going out with Jeff after work. He doesn't even call me during his breaks at work, which is sometimes the only time I hear from him in a day. He won't take me shopping for needed things and my parents can't. He doesn't even save his money like he's supposed to be. He got his mother's name off of his account and set up a checking account, but he hasn't put anymore money in there.
I'm so pissed!! He doesn't listen to me when I try talking to him. He pretends there's nothing wrong. I'm lucky to see him 2, maybe 3 days in a week! WTF?! I don't even know where he is right now. Not like that matters. I'm only his fiancee carrying his child.
Whatever.
